Vein in Vanity

Isn’t it true that many of us live with the constant feeling that we aren’t doing enough with our live. Living with a constant fear of failure and getting it right everytime, we are so anxious about doing something worthwhile. The anthem being-Shouldn't I be doing something, going some place, making it big in life? I do believe that some people are meant for fame (on any scale) while some others are meant to lead lives away from the lime light. Because that’s pretty darn hard too. If there aren’t gardeners there aren’t flowers. If there is no coach there is no champion. Without a director there can be no star. And if some of us aren’t conventional then the eccentric go unnoticed. In times where crime (of every possible sort) is commonplace, being able to live upto a certain age without having to go through any significant, life altering trauma is a feat in itself. And if you can protect your family and loved ones then kudos to you. I am unsure if things were always this bad or if ...

I was still in high school when my sister had her first baby. As cliché as it sounds I was over the moon. Consequently I played mother very enthusiastically and believed I was doing much better than her biological mother. Ergo the idea that I was great with kids took root. Now about 20 years later, it turns out I was right. I am great with kids. Just not with my own kids.     Your children are essentially you. My children are a smaller but truer version of me. And no I am not proud. When I see my daughter handling a tense situation the way I would (which is lose my mind and wring my hands) I do exactly that - lose my mind and wring my hands. Because why would I want her to inherit the “bad traits”? As parents aren’t we trying to raise children who are well rounded and happy? (Read don’t mess up as much as we did.) But children learn essentially through imitation. What they see they reproduce till they are grown enough to have an opinion of their own.  Now th...

Over the last month things have been a little shaky  health-wise  in the household. We have been falling sick one after the other. Reason to be blue? But when both the man and the woman in the house are sick, with two children to tend to, blue becomes black and bleak. Yesterday out of sheer desperation, I went to visit a doctor for the first time since we got here. Until now I was doing very well on the calpol snd benedryl I had brought along. The medical system here though very efficient needs some getting used to. In every district doctors have clinics that are open from Monday to Friday but only at specific times. They don't give out appointments and the waiting time is a minimum of two hours. Reason enough to not see a doctor huh? Also if you fall sick on a weekend you need to go to the hospital where the waiting time… well  lets just say you might have to wait very long. As a rule we, especially the kids, always fall sick on Fridays allowing us enough time to wo...

Sitting in the park with the sun caressing my body I think to myself the best things in life are free. Alongside is a weary peddler hawking his wares, a subtle reminder that there is no such thing as free lunch A woman in the finest attire draws attention of many a passerby, of course clothes maketh a man. Once she starts to damn the crying child, eyes revert as you never judge a book by its cover. A young boy practises his interview skills for he wants to make the first impression the best.  While his friends wonder out aloud aren't mistakes another chance of getting it right. I see a man smiling to himself, perhaps thinking of his lover back home bringing to mind that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But not without a streak of misgiving because isn't out of sight out of mind? For personal benefit two rival politicians see eye to eye with the smug satisfaction that great minds think alike. The bourgeois, watching this charade unravel thin...

There is man of my acquaintance who was always in a hurry. In a hurry to eat, to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow and finish all his work (ya like that is possible!!). So when he went on holiday, for instance, he would want to see EVERYTHING and always ended up enjoying NOTHING. The reason he was in such haste was because he didn't want to be left behind. He belonged to the school of thought that believes in life being a race. Not just any race but a rat race. He was aware that by being in a rush constantly he did miss out on simple pleasures like relishing a sumptuous meal, a bright sunny day or even good conversation. What touched a sore spot was the realisation that there was more. He realised he couldn't be sincerely happy for another person unless he was involved in the scene. This was most difficult to accept because when he looked at his life he did lead a wholesome life and thus couldn't believe that there was any underlying discontent. He was t...

For the longest time I can remember I used to cringe with embarrassment for things like  a) being an aggressive tomboy in school, I was 10 yrs old b) dancing on camera for my sister’s wedding, I was 13 yrs old (btw having two left feet I am   still a little embarrassed every time I see the video) c) not being an avid cook at time I got married, I was 24. I am 30 now and all these things are pretty insignificant leading me to believe, age and ergo our experience/inexperience makes us label incidents good, bad or ugly. I can never get my daughter to feel bad for not wanting to go to the kindergarden or stop her from wondering out aloud about why that lady on the bus has blue hair. Why? Because at 3 staying away from home, even for a couple of hours, is unthinkable and the second because she is only learning the ways of the world. When your little brother stops you from calling him the sobriquet he was born with, its not him. Its just that he hasn't been aroun...

Its been over a year and half that I slept well at night. And enjoyed a whole cup of coffee sitting down, had a bath everyday ( judge me all you want ) or paid full attention to what the other person is saying when in conversation (not always unintentionally). So on the rare occasion that I manage to do one or all the above (a very rare and auspicious occasion) I am elated. You know that drivel about feeling blessed and appreciating the simple things in life? I used to think, sure that’s totally done when you have everything plus a MAID!! Then I, would even appreciate the dust under the couch that I have been covering up with a throw rug for weeks now!  However, now all that has started to make sense. When you have stayed awake all night because the baby won’t stop crying, you are obviously grateful for the nights that you can sleep for two hours straight. Yes I am talking on that level. But on every other day when I am this far from pulling my hair out, I patiently ...

For sometime now I have been wondering what marks excellence from mediocrity. Some people can make magic out of nothing. Can it be perseverance? The will to accomplish? To prove a point? Or is it passion. One of the most underrated and overused word there ever was! I am sure all of us heard and heard some more about the requisites to excel- in a job, in a relationship, in raising your child, while pursuing a hobby, while reading the newspaper and even while polishing your shoes. And passion tops the list. So i looked up the meaning of the word and it  said any powerful or compelling feeling or emotion.  Of many things that we do, some we do out of compulsion and some others out of interest. We clearly enjoy the latter and wouldn't mind going all out. So we work hard, are strong willed and consequently hit a level of satisfaction. Now when this interest is taken a few levels higher it becomes passion. And what was decent becomes prodigious. So the “big P” is at the root...

Yes it’s true my best friend was stolen in Kindergarten and believe it or not I have still not made my peace with it! Conspiracy began at that ‘tender’ (puh!) age! Nevertheless I cannot deny having met so many remarkable people through the years. And in that light the loss I was talking about doesn’t really matter. I made my first real friend in the 8 th standard. Honey was on no mission to reform me. And I was so grateful for that! She is my diva. Sumeet , the alleged boyfriend of mine, was so much more than that! And I can’t begin to describe how he always rode shotgun in the scariest of times. The next person on my list started off as a brat but it wasn’t long before everyone was convinced he was a brat alright but with a big heart. I would describe P.K as one of the few genuine persons. Pawar is Mr.Practical. He always seems to know what would work and what wouldn’t. Madhavi is more than a friend. She is family. We have had the longest conversations about everything we kne...

It’s quite impossible to explain the impact some incidents in life have on you. Suddenly, the things that seemed the most important till today become insignificant and man begins to appreciate and reconsider his stand. So unaware a being has Providence made Man that he lives every day without having the slightest hunch of what might happen the very next minute. That makes him adept at complaining, fighting and hating another. Be it on a larger level- terrorism or at a more identifiable level- being jealous of a friend. We know how it is all going to end and baffling enough don’t know when. Then why do we put ourselves (me included) through all this drama of love, hate, sorrow, anger? Why is it that we crave for appreciation? Why is it that we want to have it all when we very well realize it’s not for keeps? Why is it that we always feel that we deserve more? Why is it that even when a friend or a relative is going through a bad patch it’s still ‘I’ that matters? Why is that the...

It was in 2009 that I experienced snow for the first time. To us, born and raised in a tropical climate, having winters with snow has always been a dream. So was it for me! Unfortunately last year there was very little snow.  However the city seemed to have sensed my disappointment and this year Vienna is living a white Christmas! It’s amazing how different the city looks in every season. Nonetheless it never seems to lose its class or charm! The grand architecture of the Staatsoper(Opera House), expansive parks, the central church with its statuesque dome, live on with the same if not more grandeur.  The much talked about Viennese Coffee culture comes to one’s notice a lot more during cold winters. People journeying through snow-covered streets holding piping hot coffee from Aida (one of the famous coffee houses here) is a common spectacle. Also, all resentment for that cup of green tea seems to evaporate as you sit cuddled in blankets sipping some boiling tea. No San...

I wasn’t really the favorite child and rightly so because I wasn’t docile or obedient. I’d like to believe I was unconventional, for various reasons. And it was in such troubled times that I found a confidant within my family. I cannot say how or why she had so much faith in me. She was always much forward of her times and so stood by me through thick and thin. Mom never thought I was being unreasonable or demanding. I am sure many of us consider our mothers as very special people who are a very important part of our lives. But it is a whole other thing to establish trust. I would say my mother had me trapped. She believed me so much that I could not dream of letting her down.  Before I made any decisions I would first thing think about how she would react to it. So while making me independent she made me responsible too. After having my sis, when Mom was in the family way after 8 years she badly wanted a boy. Maybe that’s why I am a little tomboyish. It could be because ...