Married To Myself

What’s it with women and adjustment? Maybe its the way we are made. But frankly I think a lot of us overdo it. Most of us have internalised the idea that to live well we need to be accepted. To gain this acceptance we conform, adjust, alter and accommodate. It is only natural to seek approval for the things you do, from your family and friends but the transition from approval to acceptance is often quick and uncalled for as it is unpleasant. 

This is what happens with women in marriage. A perfectly independent and confident woman,  when living with a new family, suddenly remembers too well, the chalk talk she has been given by her mother, grandmothers, sisters, aunts and everything with the double x chromosome in her body. Then she is transformed into this docile and gullible pup ( for want of a better word) that can fetch, sit, stand and OBEY as required. After a while, when what is new becomes old the curtain drops, realisation dawns and we wonder- why? what for? 

I am not talking rebellion. People have numerous and varied expectations from us but it is  humanly impossible to meet them all. Moreover aren't we fooling the ones around us by trying to be someone we aren’t? Its true what they say- you shouldn't have to prove yourself to the other person in a relationship. In ANY relationship. If you have to, then what is the point?

The learning that comes of this process is enormous. You know where to draw the line, what’s ok to do and when to say no. The earlier you get the hang of things the better. In all this what is significant is to know what you really are, what is important to you and what you want from life. Be selfish for good reasons and woman don’t lose your SELF in marriage.