Vein in Vanity

I am someone who is very easily misunderstood. Maybe it’s the tone of my voice or the way I look/stare. This has led to people telling me that I am rude or angry when I have just been enthusiastic or eager. At first I was outright rebellious then as I grew older (but definitely not wiser) I started getting very conscious. I walked around like I carried the world on my shoulders. In effect I was the butterfly that flapped its wings at the wrong time to cause a hurricane at the other end of the world! It has taken me 33 revolutions around the sun to get a grip and understand that it’s not always about me. In fact it never really is. A few weeks back I went to the dry cleaners, people I have known a long time and have always been cordial. But that particular day the man was not himself and was rude. My immediate thought process was as follows: “Didn’t I greet him right? Did I say something wrong? Did I ignore him the last time we had a conversation? Is it because I am not a regu

Isn’t it true that many of us live with the constant feeling that we aren’t doing enough with our live. Living with a constant fear of failure and getting it right everytime, we are so anxious about doing something worthwhile. The anthem being-Shouldn't I be doing something, going some place, making it big in life? I do believe that some people are meant for fame (on any scale) while some others are meant to lead lives away from the lime light. Because that’s pretty darn hard too. If there aren’t gardeners there aren’t flowers. If there is no coach there is no champion. Without a director there can be no star. And if some of us aren’t conventional then the eccentric go unnoticed. In times where crime (of every possible sort) is commonplace, being able to live upto a certain age without having to go through any significant, life altering trauma is a feat in itself. And if you can protect your family and loved ones then kudos to you. I am unsure if things were always this bad or if

Self-possession isn’t for everyone. But there are greats who always say and do the right things especially in challenging situations. Responding to belligerence with indifference, to doubt with confidence, to superciliousness with pity. Then there are some who never find their tongue.  I cannot count the number of times I have thought of “the fitting reply to that pretentious toad” long after the conversation has ended. Then promising to avenge myself the next time this happens. After all, playing out the scene a hundred times in my head should count as good practice? Sadly there never are any replays and in the rare case I have an another shot, things never go as planned.  What is it that makes some people so spontaneous?  Ironically it is because they think before they speak. At least that is what I think. You say lame? I say give me a chance and hear me out.  Now whenever I am having a conversation especially with the aforementioned “pretentious toad” kinds I wan

I was still in high school when my sister had her first baby. As cliché as it sounds I was over the moon. Consequently I played mother very enthusiastically and believed I was doing much better than her biological mother. Ergo the idea that I was great with kids took root. Now about 20 years later, it turns out I was right. I am great with kids. Just not with my own kids.     Your children are essentially you. My children are a smaller but truer version of me. And no I am not proud. When I see my daughter handling a tense situation the way I would (which is lose my mind and wring my hands) I do exactly that - lose my mind and wring my hands. Because why would I want her to inherit the “bad traits”? As parents aren’t we trying to raise children who are well rounded and happy? (Read don’t mess up as much as we did.) But children learn essentially through imitation. What they see they reproduce till they are grown enough to have an opinion of their own.  Now this forces me t