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Growing Up With Children

I was still in high school when my sister had her first baby. As cliché as it sounds I was over the moon. Consequently I played mother very enthusiastically and believed I was doing much better than her biological mother. Ergo the idea that I was great with kids took root. Now about 20 years later, it turns out I was right. I am great with kids. Just not with my own kids.    

Your children are essentially you.

My children are a smaller but truer version of me. And no I am not proud. When I see my daughter handling a tense situation the way I would (which is lose my mind and wring my hands) I do exactly that - lose my mind and wring my hands. Because why would I want her to inherit the “bad traits”? As parents aren’t we trying to raise children who are well rounded and happy? (Read don’t mess up as much as we did.) But children learn essentially through imitation. What they see they reproduce till they are grown enough to have an opinion of their own. 

Now this forces me to analyse my actions and behaviour, things I have knowingly or unknowingly picked up over the past 32 yrs of my life. As if the very uncomfortable pregnancy, excruciating labour, unending hours of breastfeeding and innumerable sleepless nights weren’t enough, I now have to refurbish the very gorgeous me! The horror and injustice of it all.

With bravado I fought against this “change” while my kids continued to become more like me. Then someone very casually pointed out that children challenge us to become better individuals. Now this was a completely different perspective. So these changes will help me become a better person. It's not just for them and definitely not forced. Sounds so much better. Right?

I have always felt that we have children for narcissistic reasons. They are wide ranging like carrying on the family name, helping out when you are old, giving you the much hyped sip of water the you are on your deathbed, societal pressures, personal gratification and entertainment (man are they are cute!) and also the famed - it happened by accident. I am yet to meet anyone who wants children for the noble cause of raising and contributing good human beings to the society. 

However I do believe that whatever the reason once we have decided to take the plunge they are our responsibility. To a large extent we as parents decide what kind of individuals they turn into. It is upon us to ensure they are equipped enough to handle situations well and can make their lives peaceful and happy. The one way to do this is set an example.

Neither can I undo the fact that my children will have my genes- good, bad and ugly. Nor is this is process a joyride. But as they grow and become their own person, I can’t deny that the drama can be taken down a few notches. And if in the process I could lighten up a little, it is definitely win-win.
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